Some Creative Writing Club members
St Swithun's Creative Writing Club held a poetry competition based on fairytales before Christmas.
L4-L5 participants were asked to create fairytales with 'an unexpected twist'.
M5 and above had a theme of 'Remembrance'.
There were many excellent entries. The winning poems can be read below.
Repulsive Rapunzel by Madeleine Alexander L4
One long and windy, stormy night
The queen sat up and screamed in fright
“My stomach,” she cried, “I saw it move!”
The king cried back, “We’ll get it removed!
I’ll call for the medic and get it cauterised
He’ll put a stop to this nasty surprise!”
The medic rushed in and said in a hurry
“My Royal Highness there’s no need to worry
That thing you saw move, don’t let it scare
That thing inside will be the throne’s heir!”
So that long and windy, stormy night
That gave the queen a terrible fright
Delivered to her a beautiful child
Whose golden hair was curled most wild
That grew and grew and would not stop
Even when they’d cut the lot!
And though most parents would be happy
These parents thought the child looked sappy
So the very next morning without a hint of delay
They packaged the child and sold her on eBay
To an elderly woman who drank lots of tea
For the most princely sum of three pounds and 5p
But the cruel and mean parents could not tell
That their precious daughter they’d decided to sell
So they plotted and planned and made up a story
Filled with lies and details of blood and gory
Of a burglar who climbed through the window at night
Who then took the baby and put up a fight
And knocked out guards, then speared the cook
Before shoving some jewels into a bag that he took
The king and queen banished the child and old lady
To a far distant land a little less than shady
To the tallest tower in the middle of woods
And filled the place with a hoard of goods
To help ease their feelings of incredible guilt
And keep them locked inside the tower they’d had built.
Now the little old lady was incredibly kind
And toiled away never sitting on her behind
But little Rapunzel turned into a brat
And all she did was sit then sat
Upon her bottom, day after day
Pouting and moaning, for that was her way,
Until the old woman could take it no more
And returned to the castle to delicately implore
For the king and queen to repent and take back
Their only daughter turfed out in a sack.
But the king and queen declined her kind offer
And told the old woman they preferred Rapunzel’s “bruvver”
So the old woman returned to the child who sulked
And moodily whined and screamed and skulked
And brushed her tresses ten times per day
That had grown a mile long and was the colour of hay
One day the little old lady went to Rapunzel and said
I’ve tried to raise you to be kind but you are rather mean instead!”
Rapunzel looked up in rage and screamed “I hate you, you…old hag
Now do me a favour and pack your bag,
And trot off back to beneath your rock!”
The old lady shook with shock
As she packed her things in an old tin can,
An embroidered handkerchief and battered fan
But at the top of the spiral stair
She tripped on a strand of Rapunzel`s hair
And fell with a bump and a thump and a crack
Down to the bottom where she broke her back
Rapunzel laughed and left the body
To decompose in the dowdy downstairs lobby
But now what to do? Rapunzel thought sadly
Noting that she perhaps had behaved quite badly
Now who would get all her lovely delights,
And spend all their money on delicious bites?
She was pondering this when she heard a loud smash
A stone came through the window, with a terrible crash
She scowled and went to the window at once
To see who could be that great ugly dunce
There was no Tesco delivery, no cart full of gowns
No piles of shoes or feather eiderdowns
Instead a rich prince clothed in very fine silk
With a colossal nose, bald head and skin like milk
As Rapunzel leant out, her hair looking lush
The prince turned red and started to blush
“Get lost you loser, yes you, Princie-boy
Why have you come here to plague and annoy?!
The prince was quite stunned at this beautiful girl
Thoughts went out of his head in a pretty pink whirl
He shouted “My lady, my love, I have one wish
Would come down here and give me a kiss?”
“Well that’s a bit forward, don’t you think little boy?
You are treating me as if I were some little toy.”
“My name is Prince Caspian, please tell me yours?”
She replied yawning, “I don`t disclose my name to bores!”
Yet he persisted and begged for a week and a day
And Rapunzel feared that he would waste away
“My name is Rapunzel, if you have to know
Now get back on your donkey, it’s time to go!”
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel a maiden so fair?
Rapunzel, Rapunzel please let down your hair!”
“Now why would I do that you great ugly brute?
I don’t let my hair down for someone who’s not cute?”
But suddenly a plan hatched inside her ghastly head
She decided to encourage him to stay instead
She would ask for this ugly guys’ hand in marriage
Then murder him inside the wedding carriage!
She’d take his money and all his wealth
No one would know, it would be by stealth
She’d blame it on the gormless hack
Who was supposed to be guarding at the back
And she would wipe away her crocodile tears
And mourn the loss for years and years
Until another suitor turned her eye
A handsome chap, a worldly guy
So when the Prince called again
“Please throw down your golden mane?”
She tumbled it over the parapet
For him to take a closer look
Then in a trice, he took a knife
And hacked off her hair in one clean slice!
He’d envied these golden locks
That fell around his silken socks
He`d wanted these endless tresses
To complement his gowns and dresses
And make the most divine hair wig
That would make his self-confidence big
By covering his shiny, bald head
That resembled a large ostrich egg
But just as he leapt with great delight
The hair kept falling and with all its might
Threw him to the leafy ground
And tangled him such that he was found
Beneath a ton of golden hair twas said
The poor prince was not breathing, he was dead!
Rapunzel was delighted with the Prince`s fate
And more delighted in the loss of weight
Her crowning glory had caused such pain
That had caused her mind to go insane
Hence her wretched horrid temper
That now her haircut had dismembered
Then spotting a crumpled yellow note
She read the words the old lady had wrote
Telling Rapunzel of the king and queen
That she had never really seen
She scooted down the water pipe
Amidst the dreadful “dead Prince” hype
With crowds gathering everywhere
To see the “Prince and all that hair!”
She rode his donkey towards the west
To find her parents, who were the best
Who gathered round her and hugged and kissed
Telling her how much she`d been sorely missed!
1st place (joint) – Remembrance by Georgia Onslow U5
A figure draped in blankets, hunched over a rusty wheelchair.
No cry escapes his bitten lips, nor tear wanders from his eye,
But he remembers.
Swaying, teetering, he stands up,
The wind buffeting his frail body.
And, with a half-forgotten smile,
1st place (joint) – Remembrance by Beatrice Tridimus U6
Did you hear the silence approach;
Threaten us to be still as we surrendered
To its silent almightiness encroach upon our homes?
We could smell our cowardice as it wafted,
Bitter sweet and burned out nostrils raw.
We would have touched our hurt and rubbed it in,
Had the pain not been so relievedly numbing.
Should you not have tasted the disappointment
Of the air, as there was no being left to breathe it in?
Haven’t we seen the loneliness of empty spaces,
That not even dust can occupy on blank spaces?
And we feel the hunger of our hearts as they’re ripped
From us and brought, despairingly, to our feet,
Thrown upon twisted veins and swallowed by thorned vines
Of pettily idle memories in our minds.
I couldn’t see, for all I saw was the flash of light from a camera
That had once taken a picture of me, many years ago,
A near memory that had burned itself to my retinas,
Just as a sign of life. Any life –
But that was all lost before, before we thundered and we stormed,
Before the familiar nothing that only meant what it had lost –
Does the kite really reach its height before it falls?
And when all I see from then, to finally dill the earth and stamp
Its allegiance to emptiness and waste
And misunderstanding, or just never really knowing,
Never really going on our own. Lives wasted, lives baited.
We dare harbour hope whilst they harboured truth,
Letting us go, one by one, hand by hand, men by man,
To the wind.